matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
