is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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