Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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