At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
