Are we in a gay sports bar?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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