How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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