I need help removing her.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
