Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
