She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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