I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
