Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
