Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
