I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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