i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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