I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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