she looked like the before picture.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
