where am i from again
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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