seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
