Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
