There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
operation have a gay friend backfired
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
