and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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