Buhtt sex?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
