it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
