This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
