Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
