Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh

  (1-619): View more from California

  maybe you did when you were drunk

  (619): View more from California

  no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.

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  (619): wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh (1-619): maybe you did when you were drunk (619): no way, i wasn't THAT drunk. http://tfl.nu/a663
  Replies (17) Good night (852) Bad night (2349)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night

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  (215): May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night http://tfl.nu/fpxb
  Replies (16) Good night (915) Bad night (6063)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?

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  (403): What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex? http://tfl.nu/y75a
  Replies (15) Good night (961) Bad night (4505)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...

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  (404): Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it... http://tfl.nu/ne4c
  Replies (10) Good night (4667) Bad night (998)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.

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  (705): I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife. http://tfl.nu/i9np
  Replies (13) Good night (3973) Bad night (1049)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.

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  (832): I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see. http://tfl.nu/uq0v
  Replies (11) Good night (2352) Bad night (1155)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.

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  (334): Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its. http://tfl.nu/ucnl
  Replies (11) Good night (1568) Bad night (944)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises

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  (306): You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises http://tfl.nu/ccm4
  Replies (4) Good night (1712) Bad night (989)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao

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  (423): On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao http://tfl.nu/dkfy
  Replies (9) Good night (1474) Bad night (760)
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  (914): View more from New York

  2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.

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  (914): 2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay. http://tfl.nu/1m5k
  Replies (26) Good night (1840) Bad night (850)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You're perfect

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  (603): My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign. (203): You're perfect http://tfl.nu/d0zl
  Replies (17) Good night (1112) Bad night (781)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.

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  (+61): If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that. http://tfl.nu/eyt5
  Replies (1) Good night (932) Bad night (476)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?

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  (248): Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents? http://tfl.nu/sosc
  Replies (1) Good night (521) Bad night (316)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.

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  (202): She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home. http://tfl.nu/t0al
  Replies (1) Good night (532) Bad night (760)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.

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  (602): So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk. http://tfl.nu/56hg
  Replies (2) Good night (380) Bad night (547)

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