I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
