She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.