Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.

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  (919): I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here. http://tfl.nu/lixe
  Replies (35) Good night (1859) Bad night (762)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"

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  (920): She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets" http://tfl.nu/73nd
  Replies (27) Good night (1105) Bad night (3508)
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  (212): View more from New York

  he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.

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  (212): he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform. http://tfl.nu/ifar
  Replies (16) Good night (675) Bad night (3492)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers

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  (757): my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers http://tfl.nu/1x7e
  Replies (24) Good night (845) Bad night (5700)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"

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  (330): you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now" http://tfl.nu/lsq6
  Replies (30) Good night (2132) Bad night (4826)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  bitches.

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  (614): can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!? (740): bitches. http://tfl.nu/evq4
  Replies (58) Good night (9028) Bad night (1166)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?

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  (775): Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy? http://tfl.nu/1eeo
  Replies (33) Good night (4944) Bad night (2383)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.

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  (803): there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina. http://tfl.nu/qg49
  Replies (28) Good night (1221) Bad night (20412)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting

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  (201): i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting http://tfl.nu/qjw5
  Replies (7) Good night (1220) Bad night (4022)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.

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  (251): You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded. http://tfl.nu/84co
  Replies (10) Good night (4154) Bad night (1738)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.

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  (202): Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands. http://tfl.nu/c22a
  Replies (4) Good night (2696) Bad night (793)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday

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  (706): We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday http://tfl.nu/wcd8
  Replies (2) Good night (910) Bad night (430)
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  (415): View more from California

  Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.

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  (415): Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show. http://tfl.nu/ey20
  Replies (0) Good night (662) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.

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  (973): I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle. http://tfl.nu/vrfi
  Replies (6) Good night (777) Bad night (375)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.

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  (586): Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind. http://tfl.nu/wymh
  Replies (3) Good night (452) Bad night (233)

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