she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
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To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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