he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
