how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
