Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
