i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
