I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
