I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize