Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
