we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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