i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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