I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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