OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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