Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
