So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He passed out mid-signature
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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