Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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