There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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