xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
