K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
