dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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