Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
