We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
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I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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