My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
