I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
