i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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