why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
