The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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