Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
