atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
