Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
