All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
