At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
