Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
