I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
