Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
