love makes seman taste better
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
