I bet he comes in French.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
