How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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