i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
