He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
