he wants to bone in the snuggie
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
