you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
