you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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