We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
