Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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