I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
