Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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