Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
