Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
