the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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