we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
