Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
