Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I party with great urgency now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
