I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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