remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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