Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
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I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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