I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He uses pillows to masturbate.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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